Good days aren't as common as they once were, but they still come to me. They aren't as frequent as I'd really like. They never last as long as I need them to last, and it's so unfortunate that they aren't as intense as they once were. Still, they sneak up on me and when they happen, I notice them much more.
Some days it gets no better than waking up with my sweet little dog, Butchie. He'll stretch and yawn and flop his little head on my shoulder and rub his face on me. The day can fall to pieces after that, it doesn't matter. Having a little dog who's unconditional love knows no bounds is all you need on any day.
Some days a mood of lightness will come across me, like there is no more weight on my shoulders and some strange sensation will spark my inner voice, "It's all going to work out. You are exactly where you are supposed to be right now." It isn't a hollow feeling, there seems to be a point to all this, even though I still see fog. There are shapes in this mist, I'm simply having trouble making out the details.
From time to time I'll put on a record or CD and the feeling I get inside is so warm and so positive that I have to get up and walk away for a few moments. To sit is torture. Words and ideas will come to my mind and I cannot shake them. My mind will race ahead so quickly I'll stumble over my thoughts and have to back track just to keep pace.
For the first time in so long, I feel more positive about the future in spite of the current circumstances. I've been here before, I've made it out of the rut, and in the past when I was in those situations the rut seemed just as difficult as the one I am in right now. One twist of fate, one turn of phrase, one simple idea, and the rut vanishes.
Neil Young once sang,
"Don't let it bring you down,
It's only castles burning.
Find someone who's turning,
And you will come around."
For my sake, I'm trying to be the one who's turning.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment